Eliot Spitzer’s Hooker Calls John Mayer A ‘Douchebag’ For Dishing On How Jessica Simpson Is In Bed: Got That?

Sexual Napalm

As the New York Post reminds us Sunday, QVC vendor/singer Jessica “Sexual Napalm” Simpson will debut tonight on VH1.

Her new show, “The Price of Beauty,” airs at 10 p.m.

In its “TV Week” section, the Post’s headline actually is “Sexual Napalm,” referring to John Mayer’s rather indisreet remarks to “Playboy” magazine about how the Texan blonde is in bed. He used “crack” and “napalm” to describe her.

Simpson recently told Oprah Winfrey that she was not happy about Mayer’s public comments.

Simpson, on her new TV show, travels around the globe to look at what is considered beautiful in different cultures. “Wonder if she brought any souvenirs back for Mr. Mayer?” that snide Post asked.

But the best is in another section of the Post, the “Ask Ashley” sex advice column written by the notorious Ashley Dupre, the New Jersey-bred hooker whose escapades with New York Attorney General Eliot Spitzer brought him down.

This week Mike from New Jersey asked Duprey, “What, exactly, is ‘sexual napalm’? And doesn’t that seem like a bad thing? “

Duprey, we guess based on her years in a career that required discretion, made it clear how she feels about Mayer.

“OK, first let me say how much of a douchebag I think John Mayer is,” she wrote. “(Am I allowed to say douchebag in The Post? Because that is the perfect word to describe him — so I’m using it! Oh, and any man who thinks John Mayer is the man, well, you’re a douchebag, too. So there.)”

Duprey wasn’t finished.

“Why he felt he needed to broadcast that Jessica was like ‘crack cocaine’ when it comes to sex is beyond me,” she wrote. “She has a sister, a family and a freakin’ nephew now! How old are you, John? 15? Sounds like it.”

And we loved Duprey’s “kicker,” as we say in the journalism business.

“Now that’s out of the way, ‘napalm’ refers to chemicals that can cause an explosion,” she wrote. “By putting sexual in front of it, I guess he meant what they experienced was a ‘sexual explosion’ of sorts, which to me seems more like a compliment. But really, only he knows what he means by all of his gibberish. And at this point, I’m the even bigger douchebag for sitting here and writing about it. But I do feel better now.”

QVC Vendor Jessica Simpson, Don’t Complain About John Mayer’s Rave Review Of Your Bedroom Skills

When you're hot you're hot

So QVC vendor Jessica Simpson appeared on “The Oprah Winfrey Show” Wednesday to complain about her ex, that cad John Mayer.

Fatmouth Mayer basically told Playboy recently that Simpson was great in the sack. He claimed she was like a sexual drug, and described her as “sexual napalm.”

That didn’t sit well with Simpson, who complained to Oprah about it, according to the New York Daily News.

“Well, I don’t want people to know how I am in bed,” Simpson told the Big O.

Girlfriend, what are you whining about? We would almost pay someone to say we’re gifted in the boudoir (and it would take a lot of cash, believe us).

Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, girl, or something like that.