Why Starting A Home Shopping Net Is Hard, By Steve Bryant

We’re got a million things to do today but we had to take time to post this tongue-in-cheek jab at the home shopping industry put together by Steve Bryant, self-described TV shopping, infomercial and talk radio host.

It’s his David Letterman-type Top 10 list.


Here it is:

Although I’m out of the DRTV industry, it’s still fun to poke it with a sharp stick.

Top 10 Reasons Why Starting a New TV Shopping Channel Will Be Difficult

10. Death squads from the “Big 3” existing channels.

9. New crop of TV Shopping Hosts is just awful.

8. QVC has trademarked all the good proprietary brand names.

7. Customers finally understand that a diamond stimulant (sic) does not look as good as a real diamond.

6. High price of gold and silver means that most jewelry is now made out of aluminum foil, chewing gum and marine resin epoxy.

5. Americans have finally realized that the difference between a $40 lipstick and a $5 lipstick is $35.

4. The phrase “This will sell out” has replaced “The check’s in the mail” as the first of the “3 Biggest Lies.”

3. The only product not under contract to an existing shopping channel is the new Cabbage Patch Kids Bruce Jenner Doll.

2. All the good lies about Tanzanite have already been used.

And, the #1 reason why starting a new shopping channel will be difficult…

1. The only celebrity not currently endorsing a product is Mel Gibson.

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10 Responses to “Why Starting A Home Shopping Net Is Hard, By Steve Bryant”

  1. Donna Says:

    Very Funny! I love reading Steve Bryant!

  2. homeshoppingista Says:

    This is a riot

  3. Ticciam Says:

    Amen! To all, Snbc will never sellout of watches & mattress.
    Qvc will never sell out of Susan Graver & Bruce’s purses, same old same old.
    Makeup, makeup, which brand should I use today!

  4. Christina Says:

    Steve Bryant is a huge untalented narcissist, any wonder he is sitting in his house doing stupid lame “music” videos

  5. Trina Dade Says:

    Thanks for the laughs. Steve Bryant is hilarious! And he is spot on! LOL. I just today received a Shop HQ Tycoon diamond “stimulant”. What was I thinking? If it is fake, it IS fake, looks fake! I knew better. Those hosts might be awful, but they roped me in one more time! Lol

  6. Joanie B. Says:

    Hooray Steve Bryant, a man of wit and intelligence !! He has nailed it once again, skewering the shopping networks ever so accurately. The networks parody themselves each and every day, and have become boring boring boring. Greed is what motivates them now, all of them.

  7. M E 2 Says:

    #5 is my favorite and my mantra when watching ANY home shopping channel. Although I only watch HSN and QVC, the rest are beyond awful.

  8. Cindy Says:

    Oh, Steve, You’re SO RIGHT!!! I felt your pain when you shared your story about overhearing the horrid conversation between QVC’s resident Dancing Chef and a female host who’s climbed the ranks, inviting us into her supposed home. I believe the story is she’s at “a” home, not necessarily, “her” home. Nevertheless, I miss you and think you’re attractive, despite what you heard those two meanies saying about you. Puhleeze come back. I implore you, (even though I know you’d never consider it)! We need hosts like you who aren’t constantly checking themselves out in the mirror (a la Courtney Cason), and a few others that activate my automatic channel changing response. Best wishes to you in whatever endeavor you’re involved in! Still using my Ronco Rotisserie on occasion and missing your beautiful guitar playing. (((HUGS))) & Prayers from So Cal.

  9. Queen Celeste Says:

    Steve is just great, such a wit and very savvy. I hope he is happy and doing well.

  10. Barbara Says:

    Oh, Steve! You have not changed a bit. I loved you then and I love you now.

    You never took crap from anyone, and I loved that about you when you were pitching for dollars.

    Be well, good man.

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